


A Not Insignificant Amount

by salamandererg



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Attempt to Use Oral Sex as a Way to Show Gratitude, Drabble, Early in Canon, Humor, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Short, Talk of Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 04:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15655698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamandererg/pseuds/salamandererg
Summary: Rodney offers to start "thanking" Major Sheppard with blow-jobs every time the man gets them out of trouble.





	A Not Insignificant Amount

Rodney was waiting for the Major by the door of his quarters after yet another mission where their lives had been in danger. John raised his eyebrow, "Something you need, Rodney?"

Rodney took a quick breath to speak, but paused when he remembered they were still out in the open, so he motioned to the door with his finger. "Actually, this is quite a private matter, I'd prefer we speak, you know, inside."

John raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, making no move to allow Rodney access to his room. Rodney decided to try again, "I'd prefer we'd speak inside...please."

John sighed, but still opened the door. John began unzipping his vest and taking off his boots, "What's going on?"

Rodney stood in front of the Major, crossing and uncrossing his arms.

"Well, Major, it's a simple matter of...well, not simple, although on a more primitive level of thinking I suppose it would be simple—”

"Rodney," John stated.

"Right, let me just begin by acknowledging that you are, for not an insignificant amount of times, directly related to whether we survive a hostile situation or not."

"Gee, thanks. Glad to be of a not insignificant help.”

"Of course, you're welcome," Rodney bowed his head slightly, either missing or ignoring John’s sarcasm entirely, "However, science is more elegant than brute force any day.”

"Is this what you came here to tell me?"

"No, of course not, I'll gladly tell you this anytime."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to, well, offer my gratitude—”

"It's about damn time."

"—in the form of sexual favors.”

John blinked, "What?"

Rodney twirled his finger in the air, "Was I unclear? Usually people know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that."

"You want to sleep with me,” John’s eyebrows dipped heavily in a frown, “In exchange for saving your life?"

"What? No! I don't want to sleep with you, I'm offering to perform oral sex every time you save our lives. Though to be honest, I've wanted to blow you ever since I learned you were a MENSA member.”

"Took the test, never joined.”

Rodney waved his hand, "Not relevant.”

"What exactly is relevant?”

"The fact that you are a perfect specimen of brains and brawn. And that is sexually attractive to me.”

John sat down heavily on his bed, “You’ve lost me.”

“There’s really nothing complicated about it, Major. I feel compelled to express my gratitude for your service through sexual means, it’s perfectly normal!”

“Is it?” John questioned.

“And, furthermore, you should be flattered!” Rodney’s hands fluttered as he spoke, getting more animated as his volume increased, “This isn’t exactly something I go around doing every day, okay?”

John held up his hands in surrender, “Well, I’m something, doctor. May not be flattered exactly, but, I, uh, appreciate the gesture. Still, I’m gonna have to decline.”

Rodney’s face fell, “Well, what, well, why? Why?”

“It’s, well, I’m just not the kind of guy who accepts sexual favors in exchange for services rendered. It feels a little like prostitution.”

“Prostitution! What the, no, no! I just want to thank you,” Rodney put his hands on his hips in exasperation. “This is how I like to thank people.”

“Really?”

Rodney scoffed, “People, people who I am sexually attracted to. I wouldn’t thank Carson this way.”

“Why not? He’s smart, he’s good looking, he’s a doctor who saves all our lives on a regular basis.”

“Yes,” Rodney admitted begrudgingly, “He’s smart for his field of _barely science_ , but he’s too much of a worry-wart.”

“Exactly, you’re like two peas in a pod.”

“I’m not going to give Carson a blow-job every time he works himself into a tizzy over something stupid. It would be like a horrible Pavlov’s response, he’d be making mountains out of molehills every time I step into the infirmary.”

“You might be over-estimating your skills there.”

“Oh, trust me,” Rodney shook his head, “I’m not. Of course, the only way for you to know is to accept my offer.”

“Told you, ‘m not that kind of guy.”

“What, warm-blooded?” Rodney rolled his eyes, “This doesn’t have to be a, you know, a thing. I just want to thank you—”

“Then have dinner with me.”

“Have—you would rather—really? Instead of, you want…”

“Dinner, a together dinner. Maybe a nice Athosian wine-like drink, a movie, we could go fishing.”

“You want…that sounds an awful lot like a…” Rodney left off with an uncertain look at John, who just raised his eyebrows. He narrowed his eyes at John before finishing, “A date.”

John shrugged, “Does it?”

“Yes. A lot. I don’t understand.”

“Well, Rodney, let’s put it this way. I think you’re very smart, though somewhat irritating, and, for a not insignificant amount, that is attractive to me.”

Rodney sat on the bed, crowding into John’s space, and pretended to think over the offer, “And after this date, then I can…”

“Now, now, Rodney, I don’t put out on the first date.”

Rodney licked his lips, “Don’t you think, with the kind of lives we lead, we shouldn’t be squandering any chances?”

“Do you trust me to continue to aid in you surviving hostile situations?”

Rodney nodded, “Coupled with my genius, of course I do.”

“Then, trust me that there’ll be other chances.”

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“Fishing is not going to put me in the mood to put your dick in my mouth.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

\--

End

**Author's Note:**

> This had been languishing on my computer for a while, and I thought maybe someone, somewhere, would get a kick out of it.


End file.
